The voice within

As a child I was very intuitive. I instinctively knew things, and often had premonitions. But growing up my intuition got drowned out by other voices. Being an analytic philosopher really didn’t help. Because I couldn’t frame any of it in logical terms, I didn’t know how to explain it. My inner voice was still there, telling me things, but I no longer listened to it. Einstein once said: “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” I was a living example of that. But last year I read the beautiful book A Still, Small Voice by Echo Bodine. Once I embraced my inner voice, it became louder. Now that I’m learning to trust my intuition, life is much simpler. Things just happen without effort. Not only did it guide me to the sweetest creature, but also to my new home. For the first time in my life I no longer seek advice from others to make decisions. Why would I? I have my own inner wisdom.

Without you

A broken heart isn’t the easiest thing to mend. You can do everything right: find solace with your dearest friends, embrace your new found freedom, sign up for super fierce kickboxing classes. But no matter how much you enjoy your own company or how often you remind yourself that some relationships aren’t meant to last, there will still be moments when you miss the joy of going on adventures together, waking up in each others arms or the way they made you burst out with laughter. There will still be tears. There will still be bittersweet memories that make the pieces of your heart falter. Of course, letting go of your soulmate is hard. But what it comes down to, the hardest thing to admit, is that I am afraid of truly being on my own. Of going into uncharted territory without someone there to hold my hand. But the truth of the matter is that you cannot go back to the past. So you have to be strong. Especially if you want your own light to shine bright. So just send them love and light every time you think of them, and continue on your way. For as a wise person once said: everything you need, is within you.

Spread your wings

Ever since I founded The Oak Tree Factory, most of the decisions I’ve made have been about minimalism. I’ve really taken the motto start where you are, use what you have, do what you can to heart. It hasn’t always been easy, I can tell you that. Over the years I’ve given up on well-paying jobs, expensive holidays, living space, furniture, luxury goods – asking myself at every turn: how can I pursue my dreams instead of status, financial security, and really just more stuff? The answer has always been: keep it small, enjoy the little things. Aren’t the best things in life free, after all? But now, for the first time in years, I’m expanding. Taking a step out of my tiny, but comfortable hermit shell and moving into one that is one size bigger. One that has lots of space for all my creative work. You’d think that would be a blissful moment, after years of giving things up. Yeah, not so much. Growth, as I’ve learned, is a painful process. It asks us to take a risk, jump into the unknown, head first. “What if I fall? What if I fall? What if I fall?” The question repeats in my head, ad nauseam. “Yes, my darling,” a soft voice whispers in my ear, “but what if you fly?”

The time is now

I’ve been reading a lot of inspiring books lately. The Creative License by Danny Gregory and Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert among others. But a true revelation was Jacob Needleman’s Time and The Soul. The book is about how we waste the time that is given to us. It describes how we keep getting caught up in the drama of our life: we end up in the same kind of situations, with the same kind of people – just circling the same point. When we could be on our way, discovering the path that lies before us. Reading these passages, it hit me hard. I could suddenly see all the themes that dominate my life: wanting to be loved, obeying my teachers, getting stressful jobs, ignoring my own needs in the process. You know, the usual stuff. I spend all my energy on cleaning up the same mess, over and over again. Every time I say yes to something that doesn’t fit my wants or needs, I give away my precious time. So, what’s the answer? Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, said Henry Thoreau. In my experience it is not that easy. But I do believe it’s the only way. For else, we shall have wasted our lives.

Free spirit

The other day I adopted a cat from the local animal shelter. It was a stressful experience for both of us. For me, because it was a big step to commit to sharing my home with someone I’d only met twice (and under difficult circumstances). For her, obviously, because it involved being shipped off in a carrier bag to an unknown place by a stranger. But now, as she is lying here in my arms, it seems neither of us needed to have worried. The only question that remains is: why ever did I wait so long? As a child my world was filled with cats. So much so, that the first word I uttered wasn’t the traditional ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ – but ‘cat’. They were my tribe: I spoke their language, they protected me. I’ve always felt out of sync when there aren’t any cats around. Over the years I’ve tried to fill that gap with other things. But it can’t compare to the sense of belonging and being at ease that I feel so instantaneously now. I realise that for the past couple of years I’ve been afraid of committing to someone. Afraid of having to give up my freedom. But commitment isn’t the opposite of freedom: committing to the right one allows your spirit to take flight.