The philosopher and the fox

8am. I might have jumped to conclusions yesterday. After all, there have been signs that the fox has been eating the food. Like the bite marks on the yoghurt cartons. And then there’s the canine mud prints on my yoga mat. In any case, all the food is gone this morning. Except the raisins. Peculiar!

9.30am. I spot her in the usual place. Downing my cereal, I make a run for it. By the time I get to the grass I notice that it has been cut. No grass to hide behind, but it does allow me to move more swiftly. I decide to try crawling on my knees and elbows. Not sure if my back will appreciate this, but it’s quicker. I get to the chairs in no time. ‘Faith’ is sleeping, without a care in the world. I feel bad for being here.

9.50am. I hope the neighbours aren’t early risers. What if they’ve mowed the lawn in preparation for a family brunch or something. It’ll be so awkward having to get up in front of them; my clothes completely covered in grass blades; rambling about the fox. As am thinking about this, a squirrel appears. She looks at the fox, then at me, then back to the fox. She jumps down from the tree and crosses the lawn towards the fox. Faith is awake and watching the squirrel approach with unprecedented boldness. The squirrel is now less than a meter away. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED! Faith jumpes up, but to my surprise she doesn’t attack. The squirrel quickly retreats. In all the excitement I’ve forgotten about laying low. I look back towards Faith. She meets my gaze and runs off. Dammit!

11am. She’s back, but spots me before I reach the chairs. I do the pretend napping, but she’s not buying it and leaves. Now it’s just me lying in nettles. Itchy and with a sense of failure I return to my balcony.

12.30pm. The neighbours are gardening. I hate weekends.

11pm. I picked some blackberries today. Maybe the fox would like them? I add some Quorn Peppered Beef Style Slices. I can’t leave out anymore avocado, peanuts and raisins as they aren’t good for the hedgehog. This is getting so complicated. And I really hope the fox won’t eat the hedgehog.